I was reading an article yesterday about the actor Colton Haynes, who was in the popular shows Arrow and Teen Wolf. I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t seen either of these shows but his face did look familiar. He started out in Hollywood as a model for agencies like Abercrombie and Teen Vogue; however, I wasn’t impressed by his accomplishments to stardom, but rather the journey he took to get there. I think a lot of us can relate to his story, maybe not to the same extreme, but I think we all can relate to the way he had to hide his true self in order to fit in. Before he became a star, Colton Haynes struggled through abuse, addiction, and coming out as a gay man. He was sexually abused by a family member starting at the age of 6 and was raised by a mother who lived with substance abuse as well as a nonexistent father. As a young man trying to find himself and fit in, he would use his body as a way to get ahead and out of the horror of his childhood. Colton says, looking back on his life, that he needed to “rid himself of the things I’ve held onto for so long.” Growing up in poverty, sexual and substance abuse, he needed a way out and did anything he could, even changing his looks and personality to get ahead. When he went to Hollywood, even with his charming good looks, he wasn’t tall enough to be a model so he had to appear taller by “rolling up underwear, duct-taping them and stuffing them into boots that were too big.” As a gay man he also had to tame down his flamboyant personality and either act like the stupid jock or the asshole type in sitcoms, to fit the “mold” that society says need to be uphold. Colton says of his experience in Hollywood that he “just wanted to be what everyone else wanted me to be,” and was even told that he wouldn't find work if he was himself. Aside from the horrors he faced growing up, as his childhood was literally taken from him, and his struggles in identity, another thing that made me intrigued by his story was how he went through similar things that women are typically known to go through: things like eating disorders and changing our appearance to fit in and feel valued. It shows that not just women, but men also face similar struggles. Unlike women, however, men are often times left to face these things alone, either because they don’t feel comfortable talking to a friend(because men are supposed to appear strong and unemotional, as society has deemed) or because they don’t know who to turn to. Having suffered through sexual abuse since the age of six, Colton found his value in his appearance and nothing else. Modeling was literally his only way out. For anyone who’s struggled with sexually abuse or grooming at an early age, it literally changes the way you see the world and yourself. Many times the child abused actually forms a bond or friendship/trust with their abuser. After the death of both his parents and a suicide attempt, Colton is now 33 years old and thriving, saying that "we are only as sick as our secrets." I know I’m a little late getting this out, as mental health month was in May, but I think it’s something that can’t be limited to one month. If anyone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, sexual abuse, substance abuse, or an eating disorder you can contact the following resources: Suicide Prevention Hotline:
1-800-273-TALK(8255)
Suicidepreventionlifeline.org Sexual Abuse Text Hotline:
text “STRENGTH” TO 741-741 to be connected to a certified counselor Substance Abuse Hotline:
1-800-662-HELP Eating Disorder Association:
1-800-931-2237 NationalEatingDisorders.org
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