Trauma and the Relationship Between Pleasure and Pain ❤️‍🩹

Good afternoon, everyone, and happy Tuesday 🦋

I want to continue the topic I started last week regarding trauma and how it affects our brain and the relationship we have with others. I got started on this topic because I wanted to understand myself and others better. I wanted to understand why I do certain things, how it impacts my closest relationships, and why people respond the way they do. More importantly, I wanted to understand my own trauma and that of others. The more I started reading about the subject of trauma, the more interested I became and the more blown away I was by the amount of information and variables involved. I'm also trying to be patient with myself because, although there may be a formula to human behavior, there are also many other criteria at play that can change things depending on our unique personality, temperament, and experiences.

WHY ARE WE DRAWN TO BEHAVIOR THAT HURTS US Have you ever wondered why people who have experienced trauma often seek to return to the source of their trauma: the source of their pain. It could be because they seek that which is familiar. Sometimes, in fact, there is comfort in pain. It could also be because people who have experienced the most horrific things find everyday life boring and mundane, thus seeking to return to something that will awaken the numbness that has taken hold inside them. When we grow up in chaos, we become accustomed to it and even find comfort in the familiarity. In my previous blog I mentioned that people who have experienced trauma get stuck in the past, finding it nearly impossible to create new memories and enjoy the present moment. They become so obsessed with fighting an invisible enemy, that they forget that life lies in the here and now. Another reason we may be drawn to things that hurt us, is because we have a “compulsion to repeat;” whereby, reenacting a painful situation there is an unconscious attempt to gain control over it, and hope that the results will eventually turn positive. Doing the same thing repeatedly but expecting different results, we all know this is the definition of insanity… and so the cycle continues.

WHY WE RETURN TO THOSE WHO HURT US

Think of a child who is being abused in the home, or a woman who is in an abusive relationship; in both situations they often return to the source of their trauma and even become attached to their abuser. This can happen for many reasons, but what comes to mind is that there is comfort, although painful, in what’s familiar, whether it’s a familiar person or place. It could also come from shame; the person being abused believes it’s their fault, and feels extreme shame and guilt over the situation, and in some instances seeks to satisfy their abuser. This form of trauma is referred to as, “fawning,” which is wear someone seeks to appease or placate their abuser, to avoid punishment.

Another reason people stay is because they become frozen in time; in other words, the part of their brain that is programmed to run or fight back has been reprogrammed to stay, because at the time of abuse they were trapped and unable to run or fight back from the situation.

TRAUMA AND THRILL SEEKING

Many people who have experienced trauma, while not always going back to the exact situation of what happened, often partake in activities that are dangerous, and cause fear or pain; these activities can later become thrilling experiences, thus blurring the line between pleasure and pain. Our body learns to adjust to stimuli that can at first be uncomfortable and we begin to crave the activity and experience withdrawal when it’s not available to us... we then can become more preoccupied with the pain of withdrawal than the activity itself. If you’ve heard the phrase, “living rent free in my head,” that’s exactly what trauma does. It lives in our mind long after the traumatic event happens; it takes hold of us and controls what we think and how we act according to those haunting thoughts.

This theory could explain why some people harm themselves or let others harm them or are attracted to people that hurt them. Fear and aversion, in some twisted way, can be transformed into pleasure.

EMOTIONAL RESPONSE TO TRAUMA

Strong emotions can block pain. A study was done where veterans of war were given a bucket of ice cold water and while watching a very violent movie about war, they were able to keep their hand in the ice cold water much longer than they did while watching a calmer, more light-hearted movie; they didn’t register the pain because of the strong connection and comradeship they felt while watching the film that was steeped with violence. This may also be how women make it through childbirth, because they have a very strong emotional response that blocks the pain. This made me wonder… Can we then learn to develop such a strong emotional and mental state of mind that can block pain in our body, and thus replace drugs? Let me know what you think…