TRAUMA AND EARLY CHILDHOOD

Happy Wednesday Everyone 💞 I meant to post last week, but I’ve been so busy reading and researching…I want to add onto the blog from a couple weeks ago and talk about childhood trauma; how our modern world disrupts the natural process of growing up, and how we carry our childhood trauma into adulthood. I want to start out by saying that we all experience trauma in one way or another; whether you’re a war vet with PTSD, experienced sexual assault or have been violated in some way, have grown up in a neglected household, etc... trauma comes in all forms. Our unique autobiographical makeup also determines how we experience these traumatic events and if we are able to move past them in a healthy way.

I’ve been alive long enough to see the pattern in my own life. I may not be able to point to any specific experience I had growing up, but I do know that I often go down the same path or repeat the same mistakes that I had growing up. This is a very human response to life. We often follow a map that is familiar or comfortable. Luckily, I grew up in a loving family and found healthy ways to cope with some of my dysfunctional beliefs. One of the beliefs I had growing up was that I had to earn love; that I had to DO something in order for someone to love me. That I didn’t inherently deserve love. I’ve seen this play out in my life over and over again; in my romantic relationships, working life and friendships. I’ve always had to prove that I’m worthy of love, which ironically leads me to seek out people who don’t actually love me; thus propagating the narrative that I have to convince them that I’m worth something.

Before we are born into this world, when we are in our mother’s womb, we are already forming a deep bond. We get our first lessons in self-care from the way we are cared for; the more responsive the parent or primary caregiver is to their child, the deeper the attachment and the more likely that child will develop healthy ways of connecting and responding to the people around them.

1.       Children become attached to whoever functions as their primary caregiver. Newborns can focus their eyes on objects only withing 8-12 inches in front of them; just enough to see the person who is holding them.

2.       Secure attachment develops when a child has their emotional needs met; this includes being fully engaged and securing a safe environment for the child.

3.       Mirror neurons start functioning as soon as babies are born; this is why facial expression, tone of voice, posture, changes in attitude…  all have an impact on a child’s early development, because children imitate what they see.

4.       They learn from their primary caregiver how to act in their environment and respond to people and things around them, while also learning how to recognize this behavior in others and have/show empathy. If the parent freaks out, the child will freak out. If the parent is exhibiting anxiety, the child will also become anxious, etc…

EARLY STAGE OF KNOWING OURSELVES

Early attachment patterns create the inner maps that chart our relationships throughout life, not only in terms of what we expect from others, but also in how much comfort and pleasure we can experience when we’re with others. These relationships are implicit, etched into our emotional brain and not reversable simply by understanding how they were created. However, understanding our fears can help us learn more about ourselves and how we can connect with others in ways that give us satisfaction and fulfillment. There are also ways to “rewire the brain;” we can do this by being attuned to our inner selves, by integrating body, mind, and spirit through deep breathing, mindfulness, and engaging in activities that rely on our senses.  

This is why I love Yoga so much, because it forces us to look inward, notice how our mind and body feel, and link them together. The way a caregiver holds their baby can determine how that baby feels cared for and how safe they feel in their environment. This visceral sensation of how our bodies are met when we first come into the world lays the foundation for what we experience as real; it centers us, it makes us feel safe, secure and lets us know we our home.

HOW OUR SOCIETY DISRUPTS THE NATURAL PROCESS I could go on and on about how our society is set up in such a way that goes against our natural inclinations and intuition; from the foods we eat and other substances we put into our bodies, to the way our work and home is filled with screens that keep us from engaging with those we live and work with. All of these malformations, even if we aren’t meaning them too, are so ingrained in our lives and keep us from being fully connected with ourselves and others. In fact, they are so integrated into our society that it’s nearly impossible to function without them. They mean to distract us, highlight our flaws while demanding correction, taking away from our uniqueness, and keeping us from having meaningful relationships. This lifestyle shapes our childhood and early stages of development as well.

Trauma is cyclical. It is often passed through generations, from parent to child. Parents and caregivers who are preoccupied with their own trauma, such as domestic abuse, rape, grief, loss and dysmorphic tendencies, may be too emotionally unstable and inconsistent to offer the comfort and protection their child needs. There are also key factors in society that might account for the increase in children and teens who are riddled with anxiety, fear, anger, depression, ADHD and health issues.

I don’t want to play the Covid card, but I believe many children and infants who grew up during covid were unable to connect the way nature intended, they weren’t able to mirror their caregivers’ facial expressions and explore their environment the way a typical child would. Daycare can also put a wrench in a child’s attunement to their parent/caregiver because they are among strangers, their caregiver changes more frequently, and their environment is unfamiliar. Another way the natural process is broken is through screens. Since children learn through imitation, they begin to imitate what they see on screen, rather than in their own environment. Put everything together: cyclical trauma, disconnection with parent/caregiver, unfamiliar/unstable environment, and technology as a model, it’s no wonder children are acting out and are mentally, emotionally and physically sick. Having one or all of these things in a child’s early development, doesn’t mean they are doomed or unable to function in society. It’s just a framework and suggestion of why we might be seeing more dysfunction, instability, and anger in children today.

There are good ways that society is trying to do to offset this lifestyle by allowing parents to bring their children to work, giving maternal and paternal leave to be at home with their child during those pivotal early days, engaging children in activities with their caregiver and peers, rather than through screens, banning cell phones in school, and spending time outside in nature. All of these are good things, and we can only do what we can at any given moment. Next week I want to talk about the many different attachment theories and how they affect us and our relationships. Feel free to comment and offer your opinion on this topic. Have a blessed day ✨