Happy weekend everyone. It's been a crazy time since I last wrote 🥴 I want to fill you in on the past couple weeks: the struggles, successes, impact and life lessons I've learned. Last Friday we had our first LMT Evaluation, where licensed massage therapists come into the school to evaluate and critique our massage techniques and overall professionalism. It's a timed 60 minute massage in a professional setting, and of course everyone in my class(including myself)freaked out for no reason. It was probably the best day out of that entire week because, rather than sitting in a four hour lecture, we were able to put our massage practices to work and connect with our client. I was assigned a very nice, and very chatty woman, who had graduated just two years ago from the same massage school. She was a joy to talk to and helped me relax by talking and encouraging me the entire time. The best part about massage to me is listening to the stories my clients share with me. It makes me feel like I'm a part of someone's life. This past week(and yesterday in particular) we had our Midterm written and Practical exam. It went better than I thought it would and, even with the ups and downs of the past couple weeks and not much time to study for it, I was able to pass both exams with flying colors! These two experiences and successes have helped me believe in myself again and really helped me get over my fear of working on and communicating with clients. Along with these successes has come a lot of obsessing over past mistakes, worrying, and immersing myself in self-doubt. I had to take a break from a couple classes these past two weeks to receive outside counsel to help ground myself and get clear direction. I had a two hour conversation with a gentleman from Worksource who really helped lift me up out of my funk. Instead of receiving what I wanted he gave me what I needed instead, which were words of encouragement and reinforcement in my decision. He basically told me that he was proud of me for making a big change in my life and doing something meaningful. He told me that I'm doing everything right and that he doesn't doubt my success if I fully commit myself to my decision and stop trying to spread myself in a bunch of different directions. He also told me that I actually do well in interviews and that I shouldn't have any issues getting a good job if I stick with it and have patience. Listening to everything he said really helped ease the burden of worry off me and helped me to realize that in order to reap the full benefits of my journey this year I need to let go of worry and just be at ease and at peace with my decision. I was also really touched by the kindness of my classmates as they encouraged me to stick with massage and reach out to them if I needed anything. It made me think that I might be mistaking my fear of repeating past mistakes and cycles with a fear of being happy. When our brains are used to living a certain way for years, any change can cause a state of fear or discomfort in us. I've noticed that when something positive comes into my life I tend to push it away because I'm so used to feelings of sadness, loneliness, fatigue and depression; my brain has become addicted to the feeling, so when something good happens I feel a sense of uneasiness, or sadness knowing that it might end. Does this ever happen to you? Share your thoughts below 👇
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