How Self-Sabotage Robs Us of Potential

Happy Weekend everyone! I'm trying to get back onto a more consistent schedule with my blog posts. So, stay tuned for upcoming blogs ✨

Today I want to talk a little bit about how we indulge in a little game called Self-Sabotage, and how this tricks our brains into thinking we are actually protecting ourselves.

I’ve thought a lot about my relationship with others over the years, and I’ve noticed this with my friends, family, etc... and how we all see ourselves through the lens of others. We place a lot of our value on how others view us; and because of this, we become obsessed with how people treat us, how they respond to us, what they did or didn’t do and how that made us feel. We are obsessed with finding “the one;” that person who will change our lives forever and finally make us happy! But listen, although it’s important to have relationships that make us feel valued, appreciated and give us feelings of love and hope, it’s also important to recognize the relationship we have with ourselves.

Over the years, especially going through massage school and practicing massage for the past 5 years, I’ve learned a lot about myself; and along the way I’ve learned the importance of feeling good within myself. I’ve known how it’s felt to feel grounded, and I’ve also known what it feels like to be floating around the world untethered and unsure. I’ve learned how to cope with loneliness, uncertainty, sadness and despair; and I've also known what it feels like to be loved, supported and appreciated by others. I’ve floundered a lot with making decisions, setting boundaries and knowing my worth, while somehow finding myself and getting to know myself better through it all.  

It is important to know ourselves. Know what we need, what we want and what makes us happy. It’s also important to know what brings us peace and what makes us feel grounded when things get rough. We can only know these things when we sit with ourselves and listen; listen to our body and our heart, while also recognizing our value, potential and worth.

When we self-sabotage, we are telling ourselves that we have doubts, that we are afraid; that we don’t deserve success, or that we don’t deserve to be happy. Do you ever stumble upon an opportunity that feels like it was meant for someone else? Do you ever wonder why you were chosen when you have a history of not being chosen? Do you ever tell yourself that you’re not qualified, that you will never be the one they choose, or that you’re not good enough for that job or opportunity? Because of these self-doubts, you don’t even try. You don’t take the opportunity because you feel you don’t deserve it, and you tell yourself this story about yourself that is not necessarily true but has become true only through your own self-doubts.

We self-sabotage a lot in our lives, so much so, that it becomes a habit and a story that we tell ourselves to avoid failure. We humans can become so afraid of failure that we don’t even try; because if we never put ourselves out there to fail, if we never really take that shot, go after our dreams, or try to make a difference, then we can never fail. On the flip side, if you try your absolute hardest and fail it can be devastating; but if you don’t try at all you can hold onto that hope of something better. You can live in this fantasy world that walks the line between reality and ‘what could be.’ If you don’t take that leap of faith and shoot for the stars, you have something besides yourself to blame it on when things come crashing down. You can blame it on timing, or external circumstances beyond your control; and in this way you can imagine yourself being better and reaching success without facing the failure that often comes with it. Growth is something we acquire through failure; but failure also breeds success! The unknowns and uncertainties of not taking a chance is better, in our minds, than the potential of failing. Never reaching our full potential is more comfortable than going after what we want. Because going after what we really want is scary, and it’s uncomfortable and it requires us to fail (sometimes a lot) before we get there.

We are all human beings healing from old patterns; but we need to become comfortable with forcing ourselves to know our worth. I say ‘force,’ because sometimes that’s what it takes. Self-sabotage is a toxic relationship we have with ourselves. It causes us to doubt ourselves and no longer trust ourselves. Every time we say we’re going to change but then go back to old patterns, we create a cycle that basically tells us that our word means nothing.  It takes small steps every day, uncomfortable steps, that force us to see both our potential and what we are capable of; and that often means failing a lot before we get there. When I first started massage school, every day was uncomfortable. Every day I had to do something I wasn’t looking forward to, or something I dreaded; something that scared me. I still do… but now I know I can do these things. I’ve made it a habit to put myself in uncomfortable situations because that allows me to see that, ‘yes, these things might scare me, but I’ve done it before and I can do it again!’

One of the best decisions I’ve ever made was to choose a career in massage therapy and I wouldn’t take it back for a second! But it wasn’t always so fulfilling, I had to put the work in, I had a lot of self-doubt, I had to fail a lot and get to know myself through the process. I also had some amazing people by my side supporting me along the way. That’s also very important.

Life is hard sometimes and we choose every day how we want to live. We must go through two things in life: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

“We miss 100% of the shots we don’t take.”

How do you process failure and regret? What are some coping mechanisms you use when things get rocky? And what is one thing you’ve learned through failure and reaching your potential? Share your thoughts!