This weeks topic is a little heavy, but I thought it important to put out into the Universe, especially because many of us have either lived closely with a Narcissist or have come into some sort of contact either personally, intimately or professionally with this type of person. Engaging with a Narcissist is a specific kind of mental, physical and/or emotional abuse that is rarely spoken of and is often times kept silent by those being abused.
Firstly, I want to say that there is a drastic difference between self-confidence and Narcissism. It’s OK to love yourself, know your worth and what you’re good at, what you enjoy, what you can offer to the world and how to move about the world with your head held high. A Narcissist, on the other head, is a type of person who actually lives with a very low self-esteem, but hides it behind a curtain of pomp and self grandeur. They do this either by parading around with an inflated ego and bloated sense of self, or by pitying themselves in such a way as to grab attention and validation from everyone around them. The world revolves around them and they need constant validation, since they actually live with a deep-seeded insecurity about themselves.
A Narcissist values power and control above all else, they have a complete lack of empathy and will never apologize because they don’t see themselves as in the wrong—ever! They seek out people who are weak, vulnerable and easy to control and manipulate. This often includes people who are kind-hearted, sympathetic, compassionate, caring and empathetic. They have no problem cutting ties if you no longer serve their purpose, but will get angry if you end things with them; this goes along with the whole ‘losing control’ part of their persona; if they feel you’re starting to stand up against them, question them or demand more from them. They will get angry and lash out and will cast blame and guilt on you if you do something they dislike. They manipulate and gaslight in order to make you doubt your own sanity and sense of self, and they often do this when they feel that they are losing control of you.
Since Narcissist have such a low self-esteem they pick on people who are vulnerable and who they know they can easily manipulate. They will discard you and/or 'put you on the shelf' until they need you. They often do this by grooming the person or waiting until the person is emotionally invested in the relationship, which starts out with a “love bombing” phase, grandeous gestures and charm. Once you’re emotionally hooked they will begin to use hurtful words to tear you down and make you feel like you don’t deserve better or that you need them to survive. They know that, since you have a kind and caring heart, you’ll come running whenever they call on you and that you’ll be available to be used and to inflate their ego when needed. The person who is emotionally invested with a narcissist will often times live with a sense of false hope that they can change the person. They see the good in them, even though a narcissist rarely, if ever, changes for the better.
One very sad thing about a person living with a narcissist is that they will often times spend 90% of their energy on the narcissist, either with their actions or with their thoughts, and only 10% of their energy on people who actually love, support and care for them.
In these relationships, the person often romanticizes the past by remembering or fantasizing about the ‘love bombing’ stage, remembering how well the person had treated them before. They will try desperately to get that person back, when in fact that person never existed at all. The love-bombing stage is a type of emotional grooming and manipulation that ensures the person being abused will find it harder to leave. Does this sound familiar... Have you dealt with people like this in your own life or are you still dealing with them? How did you get out or cope with the situation? Share your story in the comments below!
**next week I want to talk about how society is raising up Narcissists and sociopaths at an alarming rate. Stay tuned!
This is very true! What I’ve done in my own life with people like this is just let them go…easier said than done usually. But for my own sanity and self-worth, I’ve had to do it. Life is too short to waste time with people who make us feel bad or unworthy. God created us in His image and it’s good if we can remember that!